6.19.2008

People talk about how they have this or that goal, about what they are doing or will do to reach it, about how great it would be. And, well, a lot of us have been in that place, right? But what actually happens when you get what you want? Here's my version...

You reach that goal, dream, whatever it is. Of course that, by this point, you are exhausted (emotionally/physically/mentally/etc/etc), you've run around trying to figure out the things you need to do, you've done them (sort of), and you are just waiting...Then it's April 30th in the evening, you are walking around your apartment (which isn't that big), and your computer and best friend confront you. YOU DID IT!!! You got what you wanted, or at least that's what you think.

You see, we tend to think that we know what we want. That is because we don't think things through as we should. We skip the different shades of gray.

I'm done with this third person thing. This blog-thingy is about my acceptance to UC Berkeley (yey!) and my not wanting to be there. Berkeley had been my dream for so long and I got it. But I got into the city yesterday, I had to come for my Orientation, and entered a total panic-not-want-to-be-here mood. Confusing, right? But a lot of things have changed since I first wanted to be here. Now, my friends are the greatest ever, my nieces and nephews are 'the apple of my eyes', and, the biggest change, I have a boyfriend. The last mentioned could seem not overly important if it wasn't for the fact that he is it. He complements me in an amazing way, we are just the most functional pair of people out there (at least in my eyes).

I'm just not convinced of being here anymore. I know there's no turning back, but still. And I don't want to do this alone. And I would love to share it with my city(ish) love, and I know he wants it too, but it's not that simple. Well, actually, it is simple but it's not easy.

It's a strange thing feeling that you belong in different places in different ways...

The whole dream-come-true-thing is a bit overrated...it's not that easy.

If only I had thought it through...

Then again, there are things one just has to live.