...

frío...es casi lo único que he sentido desde la madrugada. por eso las dos cobijas que han sido mis cómplices hoy. ellas vieron cuántas veces te soñé en una noche. y me da miedo que te he soñado tanto, que ya confundo tu realidad con mis sueños. y este frío que no me deja, y estas ganas de ti, y estos sueños, y una difusa realidad...pero despierto y te encuentro. y por fin dejo el frío a un lado y me es suficiente saberte al otro lado de la pantalla. y sonrío y soy feliz por un instante, pero luego el frío regresa con tus palabras o la falta de. hoy no ha salido el sol. hoy hace frío. hoy el clima está de mi lado.

solamente

quiero ver salir el sol por tu ventana...


aunque en estos momentos parece que es pedir demasiado...

un mes

ya llevo un mes por estos rumbos...
puedo decir que me aculturé rapidamente,
que sé dónde está ese café,
que me sé el inventario de rock en español de Amoeba Music o de Rasputin,
que ya aprendí el lingo Berkeleyano,
que puedo llegar a mis salones con los ojos cerrados,
podría decir esas cosas,
pero serían mentira...

no es el lugar más sencillo para aculturarse,
ya acepté que tomará más de un mes -incluso más de un semestre-
cafés...he localizado algunos, uno cerca de mi casa-que todavía no visito-
hace cuatro días descubrí dónde está Rasputin,
Amoeba fue descubierto ayer...
el lingo es muy variado, creo que nunca se aprende del todo,
entre términos académicos, referencias de lugares, etc...
a veces me da amnesia geográfica y se me olvida dónde están mis salones,
uno en particular.

para cuando tenga visitas sabré de algún lugar para llevarlos,
espero...


Links:

• Amoeba Music: http://www.amoeba.com/
• Rasputin: http://www.rasputinmusic.com/

Al menos sé dónde estan esos dos lugares clásicos y Blondie's Pizza.
Oh! Y California Cinema es lo mejor, ahí ví mi primer película de Woody Allen en el cine...

rad =D

Distancia entre tu y yo

somos tan parecidos, aun así…
ambos observamos el cielo,
buscando preguntas a nuestras respuestas.
vemos el mar,
lugar donde hemos abandonado tantas lágrimas invisibles.
en otros buscamos respuestas a preguntas que nos las tienen…
sabiendo bien dónde encontrarlas.
tenemos los mismos recuerdos,
aunque no sean parecidos.
tanto tiempo sin…
estoy igual que tú.
mirándote a los ojos,
evadiendo la distancia,
ambos esperando aquella famosa despedida,
la cual quizás ya debió de haber sido.
qué hacer con estas dudas?
no dejo de mirarte…
nos olvidamos del olvido,
escondemos los recuerdos.
mis ojos, los tuyos,
ambos esperan aquella famosa explicación…
yo? me pierdo entre recuerdos,
la distancia entre tú y yo.

tic toc

moonlight striking my window,
my room filled with its reflection.
silence;
tic toc tic toc,
the only sound,
how annoying...

ideas floating in the air,
making their way to this page,
what a strange atmosphere.

tic toc tic toc,
can't finish my thoughts,
oh how i would love to fall asleep.

it's a constant battle,
head versus heart,
ideas and convictions,
actions and distortions of.

tic toc tic toc,
won't that sound just stop!
it could drown in the words,
words lost in my head,
rolled up in my tongue,
ink stuck in the pen.

invading ideas,
can't figure them out,
torn between torn pages,
losing sight of everything.

replaying memories,
desiring we could fool time,
what did i want to write down?

and it continues,
[a night time constant, getting lost in my head],
tic toc tic toc...

the times comes

the time comes when i get home and fall into my bed
the time comes when i need that presence by my side
the time comes when i just want to leave everything behind
the time comes when i'm dying to press 'pause'
the time comes when i want to take it all back
the time comes when i rather stay
and other times i can't wait to leave...
the time comes when my thoughts get the best of me
the time comes when a hug is everything
the time comes when i lose myself to the tune of the waves
the time comes when all i want is a cigarette, or two, or three...
the time comes when i want to buy a one-way ticket to destination unknown
the time comes when i want us more than anything
the time comes when i confront reality and start to lose hope
the time comes when the us seems impossible
the time comes when i want us to run away
the time comes when i enjoy a cup of joe
the time comes when dr. house is my best friend
the time comes when i feel with no sense of direction, even if no one can perceive it
the time comes when the only thing i can do is try to convince myself that the best thing to do is just be...

People talk about how they have this or that goal, about what they are doing or will do to reach it, about how great it would be. And, well, a lot of us have been in that place, right? But what actually happens when you get what you want? Here's my version...

You reach that goal, dream, whatever it is. Of course that, by this point, you are exhausted (emotionally/physically/mentally/etc/etc), you've run around trying to figure out the things you need to do, you've done them (sort of), and you are just waiting...Then it's April 30th in the evening, you are walking around your apartment (which isn't that big), and your computer and best friend confront you. YOU DID IT!!! You got what you wanted, or at least that's what you think.

You see, we tend to think that we know what we want. That is because we don't think things through as we should. We skip the different shades of gray.

I'm done with this third person thing. This blog-thingy is about my acceptance to UC Berkeley (yey!) and my not wanting to be there. Berkeley had been my dream for so long and I got it. But I got into the city yesterday, I had to come for my Orientation, and entered a total panic-not-want-to-be-here mood. Confusing, right? But a lot of things have changed since I first wanted to be here. Now, my friends are the greatest ever, my nieces and nephews are 'the apple of my eyes', and, the biggest change, I have a boyfriend. The last mentioned could seem not overly important if it wasn't for the fact that he is it. He complements me in an amazing way, we are just the most functional pair of people out there (at least in my eyes).

I'm just not convinced of being here anymore. I know there's no turning back, but still. And I don't want to do this alone. And I would love to share it with my city(ish) love, and I know he wants it too, but it's not that simple. Well, actually, it is simple but it's not easy.

It's a strange thing feeling that you belong in different places in different ways...

The whole dream-come-true-thing is a bit overrated...it's not that easy.

If only I had thought it through...

Then again, there are things one just has to live.